Logic, Listening, and Settling Disputes

Logic, Listening, and Settling Disputes

Logic can tell us important things about settling disputes. For example: That a settlement can’t happen without both sides (or all sides) agreeing. That settlement may be difficult without understanding the perspective of the other side(s). You can’t understand something without knowing about it. (We are talking logic here.)

But this is about as far as logic can take you. Logic cannot tell you how the other side sees the issues in dispute. More significantly logic cannot tell you how the other side feels about those issues. It is most unwise to assume that you understand that perspective without hearing it from them. (Here is something you can try at home. Try telling your spouse that you understand their perspective completely without listening to them. See how well this works.)

Similarly since settlement is a reciprocal process, it is unwise to assume that the other side understands your side of the dispute without you telling them about it. Listening includes demonstrating that you have heard what has been said. You should be able to repeat back the sense of what you have been told. If you can’t, get them to elaborate, i.e. to repeat themselves, so that you can do so. Take notes if you need to. Then paraphrase fairly what they are saying. Get them to confirm that you have understood what they are saying correctly. When they correct you, similarly confirm that you have understood the correction. Take your time so that there is a moment when you have fairly put their position, and they can see that you have understood it. Unless and until you have understood and absorbed the other side’s best points, it may be difficult for the other side to listen to your best points.